yay babies.

Office culture is so bizarre.  It's like junior high only mixed with the occasional fear of getting fired.  You are stuck with people who you would never surround yourself with and have to get along with enough to get your job done.  Right now it's all about the baby shower in our office.  There's someone having a baby!  She's not pleasant to anyone but we are collecting money for a gift and decorations and a cake.  I can't even hold a conversation with this individual but good job getting knocked up, now let's eat some cake.

I don't remember how to write

I realize that sounds ridiculous.  I, of course, know how to write.  I can piece words together and do my best to complete a full sentence without too many emojis, but beyond that I am hopelessly out of practice.  This used to be what I wanted to do.  I loved writing of all kinds and had been told I was good at it.  I started out college as a journalism major, in fact, and then became terrified that I would never find a job or make a decent living so I switch to Business Communications which is kind of writing related.  It's also kind of wishy washy and for people, like me, who are this weird combination of type a and type b and in constant battle between the creative person they are and the sensible, responsible person they know they need to be.  As it turned out it didn't matter anyway because finding a job was still a problem.  After a self destructive career in waitressing and one dysfunctional relationship brought on by the low self esteem related to all of this, I became a banker.  I finally had health insurance! 
Five years later it still isn't me.  It's a great job, do not get me wrong.  I have a great boss and great coworkers and I may be on the verge of becoming terrifyingly comfortable but I am employed.  I have my own cubicle and I drink coffee.  I go to meetings and I get so stressed out I have zits.  I mean, isn't coffee and adult acne what it's all about?  They don't warn you about this in college.
 So, here I am forcing myself to write because it's something I loved and something I've forgotten how to do.  And after a long day in the beige cube, staring at gigantic soul sucking monitors, this may be what I need to feel like myself again.